therapy

this word scares me. i know myself too well to know that therapy can help me loads or give me another person to lie to. i think i'm so scared to be normal that i create this phantasy world to escape to just in case if i know the world is getting too serious, i can just step into my Elise world. you know the saddest part about all of this is the fact that i love my friends but i'm most happiest when i have a fresh meal deal from the Co-op and i have my favorite american sitcom ready to watch and i'm already melting into my pj's. why am i so scared for someone to know the real me? the amount of versions of me is ridiculous, with every person, every situation I've lost count and i generally think the reason why i fight with people is because i accidentally stumbled into being another version of me that is not for that person. you know the saddest thing is sometimes i cant remember which character i supposed to be. i know me on my own but even then im talking to myself which in itself creates another me to speak to. it gets confusing. my parents have different versions of me, my music is a different me, different time of day has a different me but most of all me alone is not even the true me, by this i mean, they are so many alternate universes of me that is depends on the personality i have that affects my decision making process. now thats scary. i suppose i talk to myself quite a-lot but in a way this is my therapy, im talking the issues out and i use this website to record all of what is swirling in my head. at least im trying to make sense of what nonsense im whipping up this time.